Schoolyard Skills – A subject they DON’T teach enough in school

School can really be a tough gig. Some love it but many hate it. And not just because they aren’t enjoying the school-work either. Often the toughest part of school-survival is simply navigating your way through the peer-pressure and politics of the school yard. If you fit the mold and “do as the Romans do” it’s often an easier journey. But God help you if you don’t! And how many of us really DO fit the mold?

In an Ideal World….

We would all cruise through our primary school years. We would all be developmentally in sync, keeping up academically, happily learning the three R’s while also excelling at all co-curricular activities. We’d all easily handle a musical instrument, learn a second language, have a cool group of like-minded friends who never put us down or exclude us. Our friends would always defend us if on the rare occasion we encountered a bully, and we’d all be invited to  every birthday party or sleep-over on offer.  We’d certainly be the lucky ones but the reality is, we’d also be in the minority.  By high-school, some (not all) of these blessed ones may then move on to be termed “Alpha” males/females; TC’s; jocks; mean girls; girls most likely…

Reality Bites…

Snap back to real-life now. There are always going to be a proportion of kids who don’t quite fit the mold. They may simply be naturally more quiet, shy, or simply lacking some confidence and struggling to find someone who will accept their differences. Some struggle with school-work, have two left-feet and are hard-pressed to find a sport they are good at. Instead of choosing footy or soccer, they may prefer singing, or band practice, or God-forbid maybe even drama or art! They are not chosen to be in a lunchtime footy team because the others sure as hell don’t want to lose! They are called losers. They are called gay. They are called weird. They are called dumb. Most of the time, they are not even “called” at all. And when it comes time to invite friends for sleepovers or birthday parties, they rarely see an invitation.  They often are termed dags. Loners. Gay. Geeks. Nerds. Losers… (the list goes on). No matter what their label, see how early in life we label others and put ourselves in boxess of acceptance? Judged on early or first impressions based simply on how well we follow the masses and fit in with the pop culture of the time?

We all have our memories of our school-days. And whether those days are positive or negative has an incredible impact on our self-esteem/confidence as we navigate our way through adulthood. Regardless of our own experiences most of us wouldn’t want to be back there for quids! Some of us are just relieved to have escaped relatively unscathed – while some of us are still hanging on to the “glory days” of having made the First 11, the First 8 etc and even if we don’t ever quite reach the same status in adulthood we’re certainly never going to let anyone forget our early successes!

The Celeb Obsession…

As an adult working in a field based on helping people to feel more confident and self-assured, I often refer to the many high profile celebs whom we often think “have it all”. Do you think they always had it all? Do you think they looked at school like they do today? Do you think they got invited to all the cool parties and had flawless hair, teeth, skin way back then? Do you think someone like Lady Gaga would have fit the mold in school? Do you think Tom Cruise excelled at spelling and English lit? Do you think Patrick Swayze was always as cool (or hot?) as he appeared in his movies? Do you think Jen Aniston always had friends like the ones she has on “Friends”? Think of the many others now at the top of their game who are perceived as super-successful and having it all. Ask yourself if it was always like that for them. And if the celebrity status they have attained as adults really makes them 100% happy? If public adulation, beauty, popularity and wealth are the secrets to happiness, why then are so many celebs in rehab?

There are things you can do…

Remind your kids (or anyone have a tough time, really!) that there are always going to be big fish in little ponds. Early success stories who don’t necessarily keep up that same pace as adults. “Girls Most Likely” who don’t quite get there, and others who seemed always destined to struggle but then eventually blossomed into handsome princes/princesses. No one’s path is set in stone. We all have the ability to change. To grow. To blossom. To educate ourselves. And to fail. But we all have choices. The most important thing is that our choices are in sync with who we really are inside – with our moral code (regardless of what is considered cool by others). The first step towards healthy self-esteem is to be “true to yourself”. Can you put your head on the pillow every night safe in the knowledge that if that night you breathed your last, you have done  the best damn job you could? Have you treated others as you want to be treated? If you can safely say that you didn’t intentionally set out to hurt anyone along the way then you’re well on the way to a healthy sense of self.  But like I always say…“The best way to make yourself feel good is to make someone else feel even better!” Shift focus off yourself and onto someone else who could do with a “lift”. See how it lifts you!

There is support out there. You can help another young person navigate the slings and arrows of the schoolyard (or just life in general).  I urge you to click on this link here. It’s a video clip of my friend Rebecca Sparrow talking to the hilarious girls from Channel 10’s “The Circle” about her latest book “Find Your Tribe (and 9 other things I wish I’d known in high school)” It’s an easy, entertaining read, and “oh so true”.  I personally believe there can’t ever be enough of this type of school-yard/life-skilling. Workshops such as my own GO GIRLS! Group Workshops , DVD’s such as Tony Johnston’s “Bullyfree TV”, and books such as Bec’s “Find Your Tribe” should be made compulsory reading/education – just as “Reading, Riting & Rithmatic” are!

But then, this is just MY humble opinion – and we all know “Opinions are like bottoms. Everyone has one!”