I recently heard Samantha Armytage (Weekend Sunrise) make a comment about a politician who was the topic of discussion recently, having been photographed in high fashion heels and a sexy dress. The round-table discussion was about her showing off her slender body etc. Samantha then said, (as she referred to herself “a curvy woman”) that she herself really didn’t want to be told to love her curves by some “stick insect” (meaning a skinny person).
Being a bit of a “stick insect” myself, I was quite taken aback by this comment. As a stylist, I work hard to help ALL women (no matter what age, weight, size or shape) love the body they have been given. Just because I personally have not been blessed with as many curves as others doesn’t mean I don’t know what looks good on different shapes, or what’s appropriate for what occasion, does it? And just because I am skinny doesn’t mean it’s my choice or, God forbid, my “fault”! Just as we don’t know why some people gain weight easier than others, what right do we have to assume that all skinny people have chosen that body shape either?
When we catch up with or meet a larger/curvier person have you ever said to them “Ooh, I see you’re carrying a few extra kilos”? Of course you wouldn’t! But then tell me – when people catch up with their slimmer counterparts, why do so many feel it’s OK to comment on their lack of curves? Why is it OK to say with concern in your voice “Are you losing weight?” or “You could do with a good feed” if it’s not OK to say with equal concern for the health of a larger person, “Oooo, have you put on a bit lately?” or “Do you really think you should be eating that?”…
Think about it – weight and body shapes are not always chosen. But what we can choose though is to try to live as healthy a lifestyle as we can, and to dress whatever our current body shape is in the most flattering way. And why? So we FEEL good, knowing we’re making the best of what we’ve been given – not because the media tells us we have to wear this or that, because “it’s in fashion, the latest trend, a must-have etc”. Wear what YOU like, because it makes you FEEL confident and beautiful. And if you happen to be a “stick insect” like me, laugh off those tactless comments about your weight and say out loud and proud “I know I may not have been given as much of some things as others, but isn’t it all about quality not quantity anyway?”.
Actually – you know what? You could also just say nothing and smile to yourself knowing that “Less is more”. And sometimes the less you say, the more impact you can have!
Touche….
BIG Al xx
Hi Al.
Great to read your latest blog. It’s funny isn’t it how people feel compelled to deamonise women who are naturally slim. But your words of wisdom are right, either acknowledge the body you have been blessed with; or with good grace say with concern how ‘those extra few pounds must be a real worry to them’!
I only have one rule of fashion. Wear what makes you feel and look great in. Anything else is secondary.
Take care keep blogging 🙂
As a fellow stick insect – I completely agree.
Being a Vegan it is even worse as the reason for my weight must be my “stupid diet” not the genetics or fact I have been tiny all my life…………………….
I’m not sure why we have such a hard time accepting people for who and how they are, and I’m not sure why we all have to comment negatively on what other people look like. Like you Alison, I think we are at our best when we feel confident and beautiful. Thanks for helping people make the best of what treasures they have been given.
My wife complains she is too skinny. Having been a classically trained ballet dancer, myself, yes at American Ballet Theater, I know that is hard to imagine, I am a fan of stick insects. It’s the lines I love. Not the curves.
Hey Alison,
I just read your blog post, ‘So now I’m a ‘stick insect’ huh?
I was thinking about this the other day. I completely agree with you that it’s much easier to comment on someone’s lack of weight as opposed to a gain of weight.
I am a naturally smaller person and have never really been concerned with my weight. I’m lucky but I also try to be as healthy as possible without being obsessed with my weight or shape. I have insecurities like everyone else – my main one being that it would be nice to be a ‘proper woman’ with womanly ‘curves’. Let’s not be polite. I mean bigger boobs.
Anyway, I absolutely love and enjoy food. I love the social element it brings. I love BBQs, fancy dinners, simple dinners, tea parties, coffee, wine and cheese, desserts, breakfasts…wine and cheese. So it surprises me when people (usually other women) have a go at me in one of two ways.
If I am out at dinner and I eat what’s considered too much, I get comments like, “Where do you put it all? You must be bulimic or something!”
Or, if I don’t eat enough, then I get comments like, “Well that’s why you’re so skinny! Practically anorexic”.
I find that genuinely offensive. I’m also not sure how to respond to that. “Gee thanks for implying I have a damaging emotional and mental condition”. When really, if I’m not eating enough it’s probably because it’s the end of the month and I’m broke from already spending too much money on food. (ha!)
In a group context, it’s embarrassing and often awkward. Why should I have to apologise or justify my shape? Also, why should other women reinforce shame and negativity around the enjoyment of food?
We hear a lot about ‘real women’ and loving our bodies. I am a real woman who enjoys her food and isn’t trying to have a body shape too far from my own.
But if I expressed that openly, a lot of people would think I am just whinging and I would probably be labelled ‘a skinny bitch’ complaining.
Really, I could look at a gym fanatic who is amazingly toned and tanned and hate them for it. But I don’t. Sure, I have pangs of jealousy. But I know that if I really wanted that, then I could probably achieve it. But I don’t really want to at the moment. I’m healthy and happy.
So, ladies, if you’re healthy and happy with yourself, why be hateful to other women? We have enough negative images and messages coming at us in subtle and not so subtle ways.
As I’ve learnt from you Alison, the only way to change your own body image is to first change the way you think about yourself and love yourself. Fix your head first. From there, you can then make outwardly changes. Also, while we need to stand up against bigger issues of body image, we also need to address the way we talk on a day to day basis to our friends. Because that can be just as damaging.
I think we all need to admit what we’re insecure about and then work on fixing it ?
Michelle xx
I agree that people should just stop the commenting. I guess we have a culture that promotes this intense body scrutiny, first towards our own bodies and then the bodies of others – the magazine industry does this every day with their hideous covers and takes glee when celebs have ‘fallen’ (into anorexia or obesity). However, I do think that even though this commenting is often rude, unpleasant and hurtful for the ‘skinny bitch’ it springs from a different place than that directed at people who carry weight. It springs from envy whereas there is an entire culture that works to ensure that people (more so by huge factor for women) who carry weight are made to feel intense shame and hatred towards their bodies.
I am not trying to discount the feeling but I think the reason that few people would actually go up to a person and say “gee, you’ve put on weight” is because nobody has any doubt that putting on weight in our culture is a bad and shameful thing. Envying a woman her acceptable curves, a shapely bottom or big breasts is not the same as wanting to take all the fat around the rest of the body that goes with it.
Whereas the consensus is so broad when it comes to the ‘ideal’ body in mainstream culture that commenting on a skinny body, while incredibly rude and in deserve of a complete smackdown, does not bring with it the same baggage. And the sort of commentary from the media person that your post springs from is completely obnoxious – I cannot stand this pitting women against each other.
By the way, I really do love the attitude you express about helping all women to dress for their best for their shape. I hope what I have said makes sense.
Michelle (mamabook)